What couples who last many years never do (and what do they do instead)
We often say that relationships are taken care of, that you have to “work”. But that phrase, so repeated, can become empty if it does not translate into concrete actions.
Over the years, the most common risk is to assume that daily coexistence is enough to maintain the link. See you, we share space, we solve logistics issues … Isn’t it enough? The answer is clearly. Because Physical closeness does not guarantee emotional. And because each person constantly changes.
As the psychologist Eva Zárate explains, In a long -distance relationship it is fundamental Generate real moments of meeting. Not only see each other, but listen, share how they feel, what is happening to them, what excites them, what hurts them. Those spaces, the more time we have been together, the more necessary they become.
What the couples who last never do
Over time, many relationships are wearing not due to great conflicts, but Small repeated attitudes that are connected. These are some of the most common that lasting couples have learned to avoid:
- Constantly criticize what the other does. Solid couples learn to choose their battles. Not everything that bothers is said, and not everything that is said to correct the other. They cultivate patience and accept that perfection does not exist.
- Judge intentions instead of asking. When something annoyed, they do not suppose. They ask. They do not throw themselves into conclusions such as “you did it to annoy me” or “this means that you don’t care.” They seek to understand before blaming.
- Talk through indirects. Emotional clarity is a form of care. Saying what one feels honestly but respectful, avoids resentments and misunderstandings.
- Shut up to avoid conflicts. Keeping the important, for fear or wear, leads to emotional disconnection. Couples who are chosen every day dare to have difficult conversations, even if they are not comfortable.
- Fight from the “I” and not from the “we”. Discussions in healthy relationships do not seek to win, but to understand each other. They do not compete for being right, but cooperate to find solutions.
What they do (and works)
As time passes, many lasting couples incorporate habits that, although they seem small, make a big difference. Some of the most effective, according to psychologist Eva Zárate:
- They have appointments. It doesn’t matter how many years have you been. They dress for the other, reserve special spaces and are treated as when they started out.
- They are affectionate. Gestures, words, physical contact. The love is not automatic, it is demonstrated.
- They celebrate the achievements. His, the other and the shared. There is no competition, there is mutual pride.
- They give weight to their partner’s opinion. Before any external person, they validate and consider what the other thinks.
- Small favors are made. Daily details that say: “I think of you.”
- They are not insulted, not even jokingly. They take care of language, also when they are upset.
- When there is a problem, they look for solutions. Not guilty.
- They do not suppose: they ask. When in doubt, they prefer to listen to what to interpret.
- They argue to agreeNot to win.
- They listen Before answering.
A relationship is constant movement
People change, and relationships too. The important thing is not to avoid change, but accompany it. Be emotionally available to the other. Choose every day from everyday life: A talk, an appointment, a caress, a attentive listening.